Monday, October 28, 2013

Hold Me.

It was a rough morning.  We were running late.  The house was a mess.  Jonathan turned a deaf ear to my requests for him to clean up his toys.  Abby spit up all over herself and me right as we were leaving the house.  Jonathan had a meltdown because he wanted to keep the screen door closed between us.  I (arms full of diaper bag and snacks and baby) opened it anyway.  His screams echoed down the street as I put Abby in the car.  He then refused to be buckled into his own car seat.  I finally managed to wrangle him into his seat and started driving down the street, exhausted, frustrated, and emotions strung high.

Jonathan screamed at the top of his lungs from his seat.  I cranked up the music to fight back.  My patience for his tantrums was running thin.  I was going to win this battle.

But then something strange happened.  Despite the loud music, I could hear him crying/screaming - not "NOOO!" - not "STOP!" -

...but "UP!"

And even though we were a solid thirty minutes late and everything in me wanted to remain firm and strict and teach him a lesson in obedience...

I turned off the radio, put the car in Park, hit the hazard lights, and got out of the car.  I climbed into the backseat of the van, unbuckled his straps, and just held my boy.

That was all he needed.  As soon as my arms wrapped around him, the tantrum was over; his anger dissipated.  His small body, rigid and tense just moments before, melted into my arms.

And so did my heart.

Because, as I rocked my not-so-baby boy, God gently reminded me of the times He's held me, too.  When all I do is scream and turn the opposite way.  When I resist His ways and insist on my own.   When the things I do don't even make sense and I don't care.  

When I deserve nothing but to face the consequences of my decisions...He extends grace.

No matter how grave the sin, every time I reach out and cried, "UP!" there He is.  Quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Psalm 139:7-10

Grace has been extended to me over and over again, as He has held me fast and forgiven me plenty.

As a parent, I look to the heavenly Father as my model; my Example -  He who loves perfectly and guides gently.  I only pray to extend that same grace to my own children...that it would point them to the Father that loves them and holds them too.

<>  <>  <>  <>  <>

The title of this post, ironically, is also the title of one of Jonathan's favorite songs. "Hold Me," by Jamie Grace (feat. TobyMac)


  1. You are such a beautiful mother! J and A are really blessed to have you <3

  2. Replies
    1. Hey Ms. Anon. :) Yeah, I was a big mess that morning too...more so after this incident than before :)

  3. Really nicely said Sarah. :)
    And I love Psalm 139. I was reading it just today with one of my patients. What a coincidence!

    1. Thanks Evie!! Suchhh a good psalm :) And I never saw this blog of yours till now! Love it! It is so, so you :)